The Fugitive

An investment manager who staged a plane crash to evade the law was barely conscious and muttered the word "die" when federal agents found him bleeding from a slashed wrist, an investigator said Wednesday.

U.S. Marshals apprehended Marcus Schrenker, 38, late Tuesday at a northern Florida campground two days after the amateur daredevil pilot apparently tried to fake his own death in a plane crash. Authorities believe he parachuted to the ground and later sped off on a motorcycle he had stashed in central Alabama.

Schrenker fled not only the law but divorce, a state investigation of his businesses and angry investors who accuse him of stealing potentially millions in savings they entrusted to him.


This is why we stash our money under the mattress until 2010!

Top This, Britney!

Before she hit the stage, Ilene Alloverya told Donna Dumae that she had a dramatic performance in store. It was the last number of Dumae’s 12th annual “Friends Helping Friends” fundraiser for AIDS Services of Dallas held last Sunday, Aug. 31 at the Dallas Eagle.

At one point during her “Nobody Does It Like Me” number, Alloverya crawled across the floor to accept a tip from Dumae.

“During the song, he threw out his arms and then just dropped to the floor. It was incredible. At first, I laughed, thinking ‘Oh Ilene, you were right. That certainly was dramatic,’” remembers Don Jenkins (a.k.a. Donna Dumae).

But then Ilene Alloverya didn’t move. So Jenkins hit the stage yelling, “Ilene!” Others in the audience rushed the stage, too. A registered nurse began cardiopulmonary resuscitation, and Eagle owner JD Buchert began mouth-to-mouth, Jenkins remembers, “But it was too late.”

“It appears he suffered a massive coronary arrest,” Jenkins says.

Chip Doran (a.k.a. Ilene Alloverya) was 55 years old — a retiree and former Dallasite who relocated to Austin and drove to Dallas for the Labor Day weekend fundraiser. The United Court of the Lone Star Empire, a 30-year-old volunteer organization that raises money for Dallas charities, organizes “Friends Helping Friends.”

From Marie Osmond to Kelly Rowland (clip below), stars know the new thing in entertainment is the unsuspected fall-out.

Wear kneepads, sluts!