Ri-ho-ho Is Never Gonna Learn!

We were kidding about a blow to Laytoya's head.

But Rihanna's?

We might not be joking around. For obviously, it's foreplay to her...

Sources close to Rihanna and Chris Brown say both parties believe the no-contact clause in his plea deal is pointless, not to mention impractical.

"They think it's unnecessary and ridiculous," the New York Daily News quotes of "a mutual pal" regarding the protection order handed down last week. Brown pled guilty to one count of felony assault in the February attack that left Rihanna battered and bruised.

Brown was also told he must stay at least 50 yards away from Rihanna and keep a distance of 10 yards from her if they attend the same event.

"After the proceeding, Ri and Chris talked on the phone for almost an hour and really worked at becoming friends. They're solid now," said the mutual friend.

Solid as a rock...upside her five-head.

Stay tuned, heauxz!

Chrihanna: No Jail Time For Him!

Take a good look, heauxz, because this is the last time you wille ver see these two this close.

He'll spend 180 days doing community labor (8 hours a day -- 1440 hours total) -- which is, in effect, hard labor. He'll do his service in Virginia which is where Brown lives. A Virginia law enforcement officer told us Brown will be picking up trash, pulling weeds and washing fire trucks.

He gets 5 years probation for felony assault -- he pled guilty. He'll get supervised probation. He'll have to come back to court every three months.

He must enroll in a domestic violence counseling program. You know, because that always works.

*eyeroll*

This is interesting ... the judge said if Brown and Rihanna are at the same public events, the 50-yard stay away turns into 10 yards. So in essence, he can almost pimp-slap her and get away with it still. The stay away order lasts 5 years.

The judge said she wanted to make sure that Chris Brown "was treated as any other person who comes through this court."

If Brown violates probation, he could get up to 4 years in prison.

Rihanna was in the courthouse but never entered the courtroom.

So Brown is now a convicted felon and loses the following rights: To own a gun, to sit on a jury, subject to search and seizure without a search warrant and he now has limitations on travel.

When Brown left the courtroom ... Rihanna walked in the courtroom. The judge explained the deal to her. The judge is telling Rihanna about the protective order.


Looks like it's time for a 'hit' single to get the most out of this scandal!

Chris Brown Is the Dumbest Defendant Ever

If you were a singer accused of beating your girlfriend to a pulp and your preliminary hearing were set for Monday ... would your next release be a song called "Smash"?

We thought not. Our readers have some damn sense. But apparently, Chris Brown is missing some significant portions of his medulla oblongata.

By the way ... Monday will be extremely interesting. Rihanna is set to take the stand and give the blow-by-blow.

That's right, RiRi. Point his ass out just like in the pic above. We doubt he will attack you in the courtroom.

Although, we cannot be too sure with this foolyun!

The big question -- will Chris Brown's lawyer, Mark Geragos, cross-examine Rihanna. As we reported, Rihanna was aggressive with Brown in the car, striking him repeatedly after seeing a text message on Brown's phone from another woman.

Chris Brown: Delaying the Inevitable

Jail is a-calling, but someone is hoping to get away with a massive beatdown...

Chris Brown's lawyer has asked the California Supreme Court to delay a key hearing in the singer's assault case, marking the second time his camp has submitted such a request.

Mark Geragos wants the state's high court to put off a preliminary hearing scheduled for Monday so that he can gain access to police personnel and investigative records, reports the Associated Press. At press time, no decision had been made.

It's the second attempt Geragos has made to delay Brown's preliminary hearing. An appeals court rejected his first motion to delay last week.

The 19-year-old R&B star faces felony assault and criminal threats charges for the alleged beating of his former girlfriend Rihanna. She was subpoenaed to testify and is expected to appear on Monday.

A judge will decide after Monday's hearing whether there is enough evidence for the case to proceed.

How much more evidence does one need?

We expect another Ri-o-ho sex tape to be unleaked in the interim.

Mark our words!

Ri-ho-ho Is Losing Dough Dough!

A video purported to be a sex tape featuring embattled singer Rihanna was leaked over the weekend. But, is the tape the real deal ?

For months there have been rumors linking Rihanna and Chris Brown to an alleged sex tape and photographs taken at the peak of their relationship. In May part of that rumor became a reality when 'alleged' nude photographs of Rihanna leaked on the net to be viewed by millions.

Over the weekend a tape, taken in poor lighting, hit the net with a note stating that additional footage would be released June 22 -- the date of Chris Brown's scheduled hearing in Los Angeles on felony assault charges. According to fans of explicit video pornography the nearly 30 sec. video purported to be Rihanna is a fake. In fact, some believe the video is from a tape recorded by porn star Lavish Styles who bears striking resemblance to Rihanna.

The alleged sex tape comes just weeks after Rihanna allegedly lost a nearly guaranteed spread in Vogue magazine.

Sources close to the deal told Star! Magazine that Vogue Editor In Chief Anna Wintour had given Rihanna the indication that the spread was guaranteed but once the 'alleged' nude photographs appeared online Wintour backed out.

According to the same source, "Anna hasn't returned any of her calls. Rihanna's so upset. She hopes the people at Vogue change their minds."

Anna isn't changing her mind. This is what happens when you do a personal spread.

Beware, heauxz!

Rihanna Set To Get Beat Down AGAIN!

Ri-ho-ho must be a glutton for punishment, because from where we come from, this sounds like another shankdown if there ever was one.

Read on, heauxz!

Rihanna was spotted leaving the New York apartment of Kanye West over the weekend, a sighting that comes amid blog reports that the rapper broke up with girlfriend Amber Rose when he discovered she had allegedly been cheating with rapper Cassidy.

What is this, hip-hop drama? Swapping partners like it ain't nothing. And Cassidy, Amber? Move up, not sideways! But, we digress...

Amber has since denied the Cassidy rumors, saying on Twitter: "I do NOT know Cassidy personally, I met him for the first and only time at a charity softball game. THAT'S IT! These blogs r ridiculous!"

And we here at Society/Sex knows it only takes about two minutes in an abandoned parking lot to sin.

Cameras snapped Rihanna exiting the apartment building wearing a black and white strapless outfit. "In fact, some might say she was a little overdressed for a mere afternoon visit to a pal," quipped the London Times.

Rihanna needs to start wearing bullet-proof tank tops. Hell, she wears ust about anything any goddamn way!

Chrihanna: The Encounter Awaits...

Now ball up those other three fingers Chris like a punk bitch and swing!


When I first read this, I thought it was for a boxing match.

At press time, both Chris Brown and Rihanna were still on the guest list to attend tonight's ASCAP Awards after-show party in Hollywood to honor Andre Merritt, a songwriter who has worked with them both.

According to WENN, Rihanna – as of Tuesday – was confirmed to attend the event, along with celebs Columbus Short and Jesse McCartney. Brown, at press time, was listed as "possibly" attending.

If the former lovers do attend, it will be the first time they've been under the same roof at a public event since their fight on Feb. 8 landed Brown in legal trouble and Rihanna in the hospital.

Meanwhile, Los Angeles Lakers star Andrew Bynum is denying rumors that he is Rihanna's new boyfriend.

The two celebs were spotted out together last weekend, but the NBA star told TMZ.com, "No" when asked if a romance was brewing between them.

Delusional Bitch of the Day: Chris Brown Pleads Not Guilty

Chris Brown has pleaded not guilty to two felony counts in connection with the beating of his girlfriend Rihanna, and a preliminary hearing has been set for April 29.

Not guilty? Not guilty of an uppercut to her toe, maybe. All other areas were apparently fair game, judging from the photos released after he went 10 rounds on her alien 5-head.

The R&B star, dressed in a black suit, arrived about 30 minutes after his scheduled 3 p.m. arraignment in Los Angeles to a bevy of news cameras and photographers.

Flanked by his lawyer, Mark Geragos, Brown entered a not guilty plea to assault likely to cause great bodily harm and making criminal threats in the alleged Feb. 8 altercation, in which the singer allegedly punched, choked, and threatened to kill Rihanna just hours before their scheduled performance at the Grammys, according to a search warrant affidavit.

If convicted, Brown, 19, faces anywhere from probation to a maximum four years and eight months in state prison, prosecutors say. However, legal experts tell People.com that he will likely accept a plea deal on lesser charges with anywhere from a 30- to 180-day jail sentence and three to five years probation.

"A plea deal would be the quickest and least messy way to end this case," says L.A. criminal defense attorney Jeffery Rubenstein, who's not involved with the case. "It would also let Rihanna off the hook from testifying in court."

Rihanna's attorney Donald Etra told reporters outside the courtroom, "Nothing's changed with regard to Rihanna's stance toward this case ... She will testify if subpoenaed and will do everything that's required of her to do."

Currently the singer, is "doing fine," says Etra. "She's in Barbados now with her family."

Jay-Z Has Spoken!!!

It’s not an official breakup, but Rihanna and Chris Brown are taking some time off from their controversial relationship.

“They’re taking a break,” a source told Us Weekly. “Jay-Z told Rihanna she needs to cut things out with Chris, at least in public.”

Whatever is going on behind closed doors, Rihanna is putting on a good public show of recovery. On March 18, the singer texted Katy Perry and partied with her and Hayden Panettiere at Hollywood hotspot Les Deux, Us Weekly reports.

The public may have no desire to see Brown, who said to be hiding out in a house in Montpelier, Va., although he recently emerged to buy 14 baseball caps at a local Lids store.

“He said, ‘It’s not what it seems’ about the Rihanna situation,” salesperson Shavon Bradshaw told Us Weekly.

Brown was due to appear at the Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards this Saturday, but took his name out of the running after charges were filed against him in his alleged Feb. 8 assault of Rihanna.

It's not what it seems?

Did Chris steal that line from Ike?!!!

RiRi-TV!

You'd think with her big ass 5-head, she'd possess more common sense in her cranium, but nooooooooooo. So black Hollywood has come to the rescue before she gets knocked up, Robin Givens-Tina Turna style....


Three television shows will take on the issue of relationship violence today in the wake of pop star Rihanna's alleged beating by singer/boyfriend Chris Brown.


BET presents a live "106 & Park" at 6 p.m. devoted entirely to domestic violence currently affecting teen couples. The show will gather a panel of experts, industry insiders, victims, perpetrators and survivors to carefully examine the impact of domestic violence among our youth and provide tips on breaking the cycle of abuse.



Meanwhile, Tyra Banks will devote today's episode of her talk show to the topic, and will share her own experience of dating a man who emotionally abused her.


Banks says the man chipped away at her, trying to break her down so he could be in control. One day, she woke up and decided to end the relationship because "when you're done, you know you're done."


Banks will also be a guest on today's live edition of "The Oprah Winfrey Show," which Winfrey has dedicated to dating violence in response to the alleged assault of Rihanna.

Rihanna, we are ready for your next club-banger, I mean, hit.

Jay-Z Better Get Tina on Speed-Dial!!!!

The March 16 issue of Star claims that Rihanna and Chris Brown did more than just reconcile while staying at Diddy's Miami Beach estate last weekend. The tabloid quotes sources who swear the two secretly got married.

"All she's ever wanted was to be with him forever," the unnamed source tells Star. "Rihanna is looking for the husband-and-two-kids deal before she turns 25. She believes in fairy tales, and she wants to live hers with Chris. She was totally up front and confessed to him, 'I can't live without you.'"


Star is reporting that the couple "had a tearful face-to-face meeting at Diddy's $14.5 million Miami mansion, during which an emotional Chris apologized, begged for forgiveness and proposed to her on the spot.


"The pair wasted no time making Rihanna's fairy tale come true. They even called a minister to the mansion on exclusive Star Island!"

Meanwhile, Us Weekly is reporting that Chris and Rihanna have been staying in a room together at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel in Beverly Hills since arriving from Miami early Tuesday. The magazine said both Beyonce and Oprah Winfrey have contacted Rihanna, and her mentor, Jay-Z, talks to her every single day.

Us also reports that Jay-Z is trying to arrange a meeting between Rihanna and Tina Turner, who survived years of domestic abuse at the hands of her former husband, Ike Turner.

Beating is the New Aphrodisiac

Within hours of news that Rihanna and Chris Brown were holed up at Diddy's spread in Miami trying to work things out, reaction has poured in from fans of the singers, domestic violence experts and Rihanna's own father, Ronald Fenty.


"I love my daughter with whatever road she takes. I'm behind her win or lose. I will be supportive. If that's the road she wants to choose, I'm behind her," Fenty told Us Weekly from his Barbados home.

He told People.com that he hasn't spoken to his daughter since earlier this month, for her 21st birthday, and only found out about her reconciliation with Brown through the media.

"We are a family who stick together even though we are apart," he tells People.com. "She's a smart girl."

When asked what he would tell Brown as a father, he demurred, "I have no comment on Chris Brown."

Smart girl our ass. Smart girls don't go back to men that beat on them!

And Whitney Should Know...

Whitney Houston is reportedly going public with her support of Rihanna, urging her not to reconcile with Chris Brown following an alleged fight between them that left her with cuts and bruises.


Houston, who ended her turbulent marriage to Bobby Brown in 2007, is advising the 21-year-old to end the troubled romance for good.

"Don’t make the same mistakes I did. Whenever you let your heart rule your head, you are bound to run into trouble,” Houston said in a statement to Hollyscoop.com.

Houston and Bobby Brown split in 2006 and endured a messy divorce and custody battle over their teenage daughter Bobbi Kristina. Brown was subsequently forced to deny rumors of domestic abuse within their relationship, insisting that although the former couple was prone to heated arguments, their fights never turned physical.


Please. Bobby did everything but beat Whitney with their (shared) crack pipe!

Rihanna Photos

A photo that appears to be singer Rihanna's face with bruises, scratches and swelling from an attack allegedly at the hands of boyfriend-singer Chris Brown was posted Thursday night by the celebrity Web site TMZ.

The close-up image shows a welt above each of the woman's eyebrows, marks on her cheek and around her lips, and general swelling. TMZ did not say how it obtained the photo, when it was taken or by whom.

Hours after the photo was posted, the Los Angeles Police Department launched an internal investigation and asked for the public's help in finding the person who leaked it. A police news release said the image "has the appearance" of one taken during a domestic violence investigation, and classified its release as a case of serious misconduct.

Rihanna Has Her Tina Moment

Rihanna was discharged from Cedars-Sinai Medical Center Monday night in a clandestine operation that involved a back exit and a decoy to throw off the media, reports E! News.

The pop star, who is now reportedly back in her Barbados hometown, was hospitalized for injuries suffered during an assault early Sunday morning, allegedly at the hands of her boyfriend, singer Chris Brown.

By all media accounts, Rihanna's face is badly beaten. Our law enforcement source said Sunday night that she resembled the battered Tina Turner in "What's Love Got to Do With It." A source for TMZ.com said the bruises made her "look like an MMA fighter or something."

Her specific injuries, however, have yet to be confirmed. Police sources for TMZ and People.com said Rihanna came to the hospital Sunday morning with two huge red and blue contusions, which swelled up on both sides of her forehead, a swollen, split lip and a bloody nose.


Brown was arrested Sunday evening and charged with suspicion of making criminal threats in which a victim "is in fear for [his/her] life." Police say more charges, including one for domestic violence, could be tacked on when the case is handed over to the L.A. District Attorney's Office.

Brown and Rihanna began arguing while riding in his rented Lamborghini following Clive Davis's pre-Grammy party Saturday night. The fight escalated and became physical when they got out of the car.

A source for E! Online says Rihanna has been reluctant to reveal to investigators specifically what the couple had been arguing about before it turned ugly, but the Los Angeles Times says the Barbados-born singer is cooperating with the authorities' investigation.


E! News is also reporting that a source close to the investigation told them that Rihanna has alleged to police that Brown choked her while threatening to kill her and, subsequently, she lost consciousness.


According to the source, her right eye was blackened and badly swollen and she had hand prints on her arms. The responding officers were so concerned about her, they drove Rihanna to the hospital in their squad car instead of waiting for an ambulance.


Officers took two sets of photographs of the beaten singer, one at the scene and the second after she was admitted to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center for treatment. Those photos were presumably among the evidence presented to the D.A.

Although a motive for the alleged beating has not been reported, a source for gossip blogger Janet Charlton says "Rihanna had supposedly found numbers in Chris's phone that he shouldn't have. She grabbed the car keys and pretended to toss them out the window. He freaked out and let her have it. And we also heard this has happened before."


Meanwhile, Rihanna has postponed her scheduled Feb. 13 concert in Malaysia. The singer's Los Angeles-based representatives informed Malaysia's Pineapple Concerts that the show would have to be rescheduled to an unspecified date "in light of recent events involving Rihanna." The artist had been slated to visit Indonesia and Malaysia on her "Good Girl Gone Bad" tour.


Also cancelled due to recent events is Rihanna's planned 21st birthday party, which was to take place at a club in New York City. E! Online reported: "The bash for about 200 or so guests was to have had a carnival theme with various 'sideshow' attractions. Although organizers were having difficulty securing sponsors for the party because of the economy, a source says Cîroc vodka had already or was about to sign on as the leading sponsor."


"They were talking about it being at Gotham Hall, but I don't think it was definite just yet," the source told E!.

Rihanna Beatdown: The Saga Continues...

The Los Angeles Times says the 911 call alerting police to the alleged assault involving Chris Brown and Rihanna may be an important key in the investigation.


According to the Los Angeles Police Department, the unidentified person who phoned was unaware of the couple's celebrity when he or she reported the violent altercation, which took place around 12:30 a.m. Sunday in the ritzy Hancock Park section of Los Angeles.


At press time, detectives were still investigating the case and had not turned it over to prosecutors, who will decide whether to file charges against Brown.


The 19-year-old was arrested Sunday on suspicion of making criminal threats and was released on $50,000 bail. Rihanna, born Robyn Rihanna Fenty, was taken to the hospital with "visible injuries," according to authorities. The artists were nominated for Grammy Awards Sunday and were scheduled to perform, but both pulled out of the ceremony at the last minute.


From the moment the story broke, rumors have been ferocious regarding what led to the altercation. Some blog sites are reporting that Brown became violent because Rihanna had given him a sexually transmitted disease. Others claim Brown was upset because Rihanna reportedly left Saturday night's Clive Davis pre-Grammy bash for a while to talk to another man.


The severity of Rihanna's injuries has also been the subject of unconfirmed Internet reports, including rumors that she suffered a broken jaw in the alleged scuffle.


Brown’s arraignment is currently slated for March 5. On his Web site, fans are taking a wait-and-see attitude before making their judgment. On Rihanna’s site, though, some have already made up their minds.


“Send the right message to your fans to leave any boy who would hit you,” one poster tells Rihanna. “He does not deserve you. I will never buy another of his CDs regardless.”

This hit was sponsored in part by Beyonce.

Watch out, Kelly!

You're in danger, girl!!